All I Really Know About Condominium Life I learned in Kindergarten1

Life in condominium associations is usually so much easier that some make it. From the Owner complaining about the maintenance responsibility of doors and windows without any knowledge of the boundaries, to the Owners who believe they can do anything to or on “their” deck, to the person who believes that since he has paid his condo fees he can abuse the Board of Directors, people really do make it harder to live in a condominium association than it has to be.

To show how simple it really can and should be, I have borrowed from Mr. Fulghum his everlasting and ever instructive book on how to live right. And since there are some adults who act like children at condominium association, I thought putting these guidelines in language they understand might help.

As such, these are the things I have learned from practicing Condominium law over the past eighteen (18) years.

1. Share everything. You are not the only one who lives at the association. It is not your parking space. It likely has been assigned by the Board of Directors as part of the common area, so it can be moved … far, far away from your Unit if you don't behave.

2. Play fair. Don't play music too loudly; don't cut people off when you are driving; don't sneer at your neighbors; don't fail to pay your condo fees; don't park in someone else's space.

3. Don't hit people. This includes “hitting” them with cruel words and/or with untrue statements about them at Board meetings, to your neighbors or through the Internet. If it makes you feel better to say nasty things about people, especially when done behind their back, get into therapy; you're a coward, a bully, and just plain mean. Be better. As someone once told me, “Stab people in the front, not the back.” Let them know how you feel. More problems have been solved by better communication than by playing tough with words. Grow up.

4. Put things back where you found them. This include your temper.

5. Clean up your own mess. If you want to be a slob, and turn your deck and area around your Unit into a dump, then move out, get a single family home and be all the slob you can be. I'm sure your family will be proud of your independence.

6. Don't take things that aren't yours. Don't, for example, park in someone else's space just because you got there first.

7. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. See #3 above. Apologize. You will get more respect from your fellow owners, and maybe, just maybe, a good feeling inside, by admitting you're wrong and apologizing, than by any show of “toughness” or “nastiness.”

8. Wash your hands before you eat. Don't accuse the Board of Directors of doing bad things, if you have been less than good yourself. Pay your assessments, treat others well and with respect and then, and only then, bring the missteps of others to the attention of the Board of Directors.

9. Flush. Start every day anew. Forget the bad things that may have happened. Don't hold grudges. Work together to solve the problems. We're called humans not perfects.

10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. And others. Take time to slow down. Enjoy life. You live in a community association. Go over someone's Unit who is sick and bring them soup or warm cookies. Check on someone you haven't seen in a while.

11. Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some. Nothing more to say.

12. Take a nap every afternoon. I once suggested in a heated meeting that someone take a timeout. Why? Life is way too short. (I can say this being 57 and closer to the end than the beginning.) Is it really that important when your deck is going to be stained by the Association? It's not principle for which you're standing up. It's likely your ego.

13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. It's called a community association for a reason. There will come a time when you will need help. There may be a time when you have lost a job, or there has been a medical problem that has put you in debt and you will need some help from your association, maybe in the form of delaying the payment of some fees. It's hard to ask for help, if all you have done is criticized others.

14. Be aware of wonder. Take walk around your association or your community. Enjoy what's there. You'd be surprised at the little treasures all around that we overlook.

15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we. So take care of others in your association. There are few things so sad as someone growing old alone. Or just being alone.

And if none of this has sunk in, then you really may need to go back to kindergarten. Relearn the lessons taught there. They serve us all well.

1Special thanks, and my apologies, to Robert Fulghum.